A Monster survey about workplace stress shows that relationships with tough supervisors are at the top of the list. With challenging bosses come stressed out workers. But, there are a few positive ways to manage a toxic boss.
But first, what is a bad boss? Stanford University professor Robert Sutton references two questions when recognizing a toxic coworker or boss. In his 2007 book, The No Asshole Rule: Building a Civilized Workplace and Surviving One That Isn’t, Sutton asks:
- After encountering the person, do people feel oppressed, humiliated or otherwise worse about themselves?
- Does the person target people who are less powerful than him/her?
Sutton then characterizes their behaviors into 12 categories, including insults, threats and humiliation. Working for someone like this definitely isn’t easy. But, no matter how terrible your boss is, try to take away a redeeming lesson.
Managing the micromanager
A micromanaging boss might not be so much of a bad boss, but rather misguided. Some employers need to be managed tighter because they don’t stay on task. So, evaluate your work habits and tendencies. Do you spend too much time scrolling through social media? Are you missing important deadlines? If so, use your boss’s critiques to be more organized and detail-oriented. If your boss is still looking over your shoulder, try asking detailed questions. Don’t just ask what needs to be done, but rather how it should be done.
Learn how not to lead
Learn from the traits your boss displays — both positive and negative — and use them as an opportunity as you progress in your career to a leadership role. When your boss humiliates you and micromanages your work, remember how that feels. You’ll be able to learn from that experience and become a better leader and manager for your future employees.
Appreciate an awesome boss
Some of best bosses see leadership qualities in their employees and help draw them out. Others reframe mistakes, viewing them as empowering learning experiences. Great bosses listen, really listen. Even though they’re inundated with emails, to-do lists and meetings, they give their full attention to their employees, showing them they’re valued. Working with a less than awesome boss will help you really appreciate your excellent leaders and managers. This will also help you recognize positive traits during future job interviews.
Sort through feedback
Sort through the feedback you’re receiving to see if there’s anything redeeming. Is there anything relevant? Could you focus the conversation on what you could do better — rather than on what you did wrong? Follow up negative feedback with a simple question: “What makes you say that?” This forces your boss or manager to explain what he or she means.
Build bridges and find mentors
Build allies and foster empowering relationships that can help you deflect the criticism you’re hearing from your boss. Draw people together who share common values, purposes and passions for achieving one common goal. Another strategy: find a mentor who can help you get to the next chapter in your career. Communicate your goals with them and what you hope to achieve.
Document incidents
Write down incidents, policy violations, and inappropriate actions that happen with your boss. Keeping records allows you to store a written history if you need to take action against a manager. Your notes should be based on fact — like events and conversations — not judgements and opinions. This record will give you a pattern of your boss’s behaviors. Make sure to keep this separate from your work documents.
Focus on life outside of work
When you work 40+ hours a week, that doesn’t leave lots of free time for socializing, focusing on hobbies, or cultivating relationships. So, when you’re not at work, set clear boundaries. Let your boss and co-workers know that when you’re out of the office, you won’t be available by email or phone. Unplug, disable your email, and spend time doing what you love — whether it’s reading, exercising, meditating, or exploring the city with your friends or family.
Leave
If you’ve tried asking for clarifications, sorting out feedback and setting boundaries and you’re still miserable at your job, it might be time to move on. But, before you jump ship, envision what you want your future to look like — so you don’t end up in this same situation again. Put words to your vision and write your dream job description. Notice the specific details: are you working flexible hours from home or a 9-5 at an office in the city?
Toxic bosses spread fear and mistrust. Rise above a bad boss by looking for the good, concentrating on what matters, and finding a mentor.