If you spend any time on career sites perusing articles that give you tips on “How to be a better manager,” “How to inspire your team,” and “How to get your employees to want to work for you” you’ll come across dozens of suggestions to achieve all of those objectives. But one trait that some of the best bosses and managers have in common is simple, empathy. A few of us on the Ambrion team have recently had unpleasant customer service experiences with a national wireless carrier, and it inspired us to write about how a manager with great empathy could have improved all of our customer service outcomes. So what is so special about empathy?
Empathy has the capacity to shape an entire situation. As a manager or boss, when an employee comes to you with a problem, large or small, the way your gut guides you to respond to them indicates a lot about your level of empathy. If you automatically find yourself saying, “What’s wrong now,” or “Why can’t he/she handle this on their own,” your level of empathy could likely use some work. Imagine the same response with a little empathy sprinkled in and the same manager might be saying, “What can I do to help this employee avoid this situation next time,” or “I’ve been in that position before, let’s try handling it this way.” See the difference?
Without empathy, a manager’s focus is on how this employee is going to interrupt their day, drag down their productivity and further delay their ability to tackle their to do list. With that approach, their employee doesn’t feel like their manager cares, does not want to approach them in the future, and misses out on opportunities to learn. As a manager, this type of response is detrimental to nearly every aspect of this employee’s life at work. Not only is this employee learning that asking for help will land them a lecture, it is also creating a culture of “not my problem,” and “anything but teamwork.” If your employee doesn’t feel empowered to ask questions, therefore resulting in new skills being learned, they’re probably not performing their job to the best of their abilities. Why? The manager believes that their employee understands their job, understands their role, and the manager can focus on their own job.
The outcome? The manager has to deal with the fallout associated with the employee not knowing how to fully do their job, and not realizing it until it’s too late. As a result, you have a manager and an employee who are both likely to blame one another for the hot water they’re likely both swimming in. This is just one potential problem scenario associated with a manager/ employee relationship that lacks empathy.
There are a dozen possible reasons leading to how a manager loses their empathy, but it’s the one thing that has a small investment of time and energy to reap a huge reward. So how do you locate your empathy after it’s gone missing?
- Breathe- Don’t underestimate the power of a deep breath. No, we’re not talking about that outward heavy sigh you give when you’re 100 percent annoyed. It’s the breath that allows you to stop, take a moment to reflect on what you’re thinking, and pause before you respond. Not only will you give yourself the chance to collect your thoughts and avoid a hasty reaction, you’ll better position yourself to respond with empathy. Even if empathy isn’t your gut reaction, taking a moment to process makes you more aware of your response and can result in a more favorable reaction.
- Take a Friday off- You might be stressed to the gills, and a day off will do you some good. This day off is not one for the cable repair man to visit you, dredging off to the dry cleaners that you never get to, or catching up on yard work. This is a day for you. You take an entire day to do whatever it is that you want to do. While you’re enjoying your day, tap into what makes you happy, and think about how you can infuse that same enjoyment into your job. Take it one step further, and relate how your enjoyment at work can positively affect your team. When you get back to work, take whatever measures you have within your reach to affect positive change. You do not have to recreate the wheel. It can be as simple as rewarding effort and positive attitude shifts in a new, more meaningful way. Why does that work? It shows your team that you’re thinking about them. It exhibits nearly instant empathy. You just have to make sure that what you’re offering your team actually wants, otherwise it’s not going to have the same effect. Do your homework on your employees wants and needs, and you’ll be one-step closer to regaining your empathy.
- Read a book- Yes, we know, just what you’ve always wanted, another item for your “to do” list, right? Look at it as an investment in your future and becoming a better manager. If you can be the kind of manager that everyone wants to work for, you’ll build your own kind of job stability. Not the kind of insurance that you need from a company or organization, but your own kind of capital that you build within your teams that you can cash out when you leave, or transfer departments. Your reputation will precede you, in a good way. A couple of recommendations for your reading list depending on where you are in your career are:
–“Passed Over and Pissed Off: the Overlooked Leadership Talents of Generation X,” by Dr. Mia Mulrennan.
–“The Cowbell Priciple: Career Advice on How to Get Your Dream Job and Make More Money,” by Brian Carter and Garrison Wynn.
-“Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Pull Together and others Don’t,” by Simon Sinek.
- Re-evaluate- Sit down and make a list of the pros and cons about your job and your work. If your con list seriously outweighs what’s making your existence at work positive, it might be time for you to start planning your exit. This frightening statistic, reported by Gallup in 2013, explains that just 30% of Americans are engaged in their jobs. If you find yourself outside that 30 percent that enjoy what they do, realizing that you’re in that position is better than someone realizing it for you. Follow the three previous suggestions and start figuring out what you want to do next.
Is a lack of empathy the explanation for every botched customer service interaction or unhappy workplace? No. But we would argue that if empathy were to make a re-introduction into many offices and cultures at every level of American business, we’d have a lot more than 30% of people engaged in their jobs. Think about situations that you have the power to influence. The next time you skip a teachable moment with one of your employees in favor of crossing off another item on your “to do” list, take a moment to assess which action is more important for the health of your team and the future of your career. After you take a minute to reflect, we have a feeling your employees will win every, single, time.